Category: Motherhood

You are more than your reflection in the mirror

I was at the mall this evening and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror.  My first reaction was a sinking heart.  I haven’t gotten around to dyeing my grey hairs and, to my eye, it just made me look way older than I would have liked.  I walked around the mall with a heavy heart about the way I looked.  As I drove home though, it dawned on me how silly I was being.

Well, of course,  I look older.  I am a month shy of my 45th birthday after all.  I have almost 45 years of living under my belt.  Not existing…living!  I have loved, I have lost, I have laughed, I have cried. I have travelled and I have spent many days in my little space on earth called home.  I have known a level hardship and I have known abundance.  I have worked my butt off for all that I have and I am proud of it all.  I have carried and borne a child. I have raised him almost single-handledly for 7 of his 9 years.  Dammit, I have earned my grey hairs!  In fact, I am blessed to have them. I am enough grey hairs included 🙂

It made me question why I have allowed this growing culture of superficiality to rule my perception of myself?  The funny thing is that, as a general rule, I do not follow people on social media whose pages are filled with pics of themselves only.  I believe that we all have a depth to us and that is what makes us interesting.  Having to scroll past pictures of people’s faces only is boring to me.  I want to know about the person behind the face.  I want to know what makes them tick.  What experiences have etched that line or that scar on their face?  What experiences have they had that I or anyone else can learn from.  Every experience has a lesson in it.  In fact, did you know that Human Libraries are popping up all over the world? You can find a link to a website about it here. South Africa is a melting pot of cultures and challenges. Can you imagine the rich stories waiting to be told?

#Life #Lifelessons #Blog #groundedafrican #teacher #mirrorimages #dontjudgeabookbyitscover

“I am because we are”.  “It takes a village to raise a child”. These sayings have always been the heart of African culture.  They are still true today and always will be.   The reality is that children learn from what they see, what they hear and what they experience.  We all do.   If we are spending all our time admiring ourselves in a cell phone and a mirror, we are teaching children that that’s ok.  If that’s all we post then we are probably teaching our children that that is the way to define themselves.  That feels very shallow to me and I feel that it sets them up for a fall especially as they get older.  It also opens them up to a whole host of other problems as well but that is a topic for another day.   If wisdom is gained through life experience, and all they know is based on what people look like, what type of world are we creating for future generations?

Have you ever noticed how the most revered actors and actresses are known for their abilities and consistent accomplishments and not for their looks.  Have you noticed how they come across as attractive/sexy even though they don’t fall into the category of “classically beautiful/sexy”?  I mention them because we are so focused on the entertainment industry these days and hold people up for their looks and not their talent.  Often they are “flash in the pan celebs” and fade away because they had no talent to carry them through.  I would imagine it is more rewarding to be known for your achievements than just because you are good-looking. After all, looks do fade eventually.

At the end of the day, we have become so obsessed with our looks that we have forgotten that we have so much more to offer the world.  Here’s to embracing our physical selves for what it is.  There is no harm in wanting to look good in fact it is good for you to be happy with what you see in the mirror, however,  being obsessed with your looks and defining yourself by your looks can only lead to problems down the road.  After all even beauty queens know that a national or international competition is merely a stepping stone to making the right the connections to do what that really want to do.  Even they need to have substance and not just be a pretty face to win.  When last have you heard of a Miss South Africa that didn’t have a degree?

So here’s to growing older gracefully.  To focusing on making ourselves better and this world a better place for future generations.  To sharing and celebrating our knowledge and experiences so that that others may benefit and grow from them.  Most importantly, here’s to being treasured for the positive touches we leave on the people around us and not only for what we look like.🥂

If you enjoyed this post then you know what to do…please like and share.  Drop me a line in the comments section as well.  I would love to hear your views.

Bye for now!

When is a failure a failure?

How often have you looked around you, at your friends, at your family, your colleagues and felt like a failure or felt less successful? I have done it so many times. I felt so down because I didn’t have a fancy car and I didn’t own a home let alone a home in the “right” area. I didn’t have a fast tracked career. I was “average”. Shock and horror😱.

Mark Twain once said that comparison is the thief of joy.  I think it takes most of us a while to come to this realisation.  Some of us never do.  We spend our entire lives chasing someone else’s definition of success without even understanding if that definition even brings that person joy and inner peace or are they just enslaved by their material trappings, their “symbols of success”.    I found that by comparing myself to others, I was constantly focused on their material gains…the car, the house and even the career.  I did not question if they had sold their souls to gain these material goods and live in the lap of luxury.

Not all comparison is bad though.  A lesson that I teach my son is that his growth as a person and in everything he does is determined by the benchmarks he sets himself.  This he should base on his comparison of his “today”self to his “yesterday” self.  In this way he will continously improve and, perhaps without trying to, he will be the champion of his chosen sport or the head of a company one day.  I try and apply the principle in my own life although it does take reflection and I am not that good at it.  What’s also cool about doing this is that suddenly, your so called failures become your learning curves.  Yip, you can’t help but start looking at failure in a positive light.  Who knew????  In addition, when you look at it in a positive light you tend to be less hard on yourself because it puts the failure in perspective.

Here’s the thing though.  Materially I am not much better off than i was before my “epiphany” on failure.  Mentally though I am deinitely stronger. Emotionally I am definitely happier.  How did I get to this place though?  Well, it is actually pretty simple.  After reading “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, I sat down and listed all the things i had achieved.  I was definitely not modest about it too.  No filters were used.   I was so blown away when I was done. I had actually accomplished so much already.  Turns out I am a success in my own right.  This realisation gave me the desire to want to go out and  want to do more.  I set myself new goals and have achieved some already.  Some I can almost taste while I may need to adjust my sails in order to achieve others.

“Failures are fingerposts on the road to achievement.” – C.S. Lewis

I have many fingerposts that have pointed me in the direction of  my achievements and I love it.   I wouldn’t have it any other way.  What does your journey look like?

If you enjoyed this post then you know what to do…please like and share.

Bye for now!

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Creating Time…3 changes I have made to create time and get closer to achieving my goals

Sjoe, how time is flying! I don’t know about you, but I find that I am so busy at work these days that I have almost no energy to do things I want to do when I get home. Work is not going to ease up anytime soon so I have been reading up on ways to work around it and make the time to do the things I want to do. Everyone wants a “work-life balance” but what does it really mean to you and how do you work it so that you not only find the balance but you enjoy your time in both worlds? I haven’t found the answer to this yet,  but I think I am heading in the right direction for me.  These are just a few tips that I started implementing that may help you too if you have a similar dilemma.

Wake up earlier

Anyone who knows me knows that waking up early is definitely not my thing. Here’s the thing though, when I wake up earlier and write, I find my thoughts are crisper and clearer. I can actually get a whole blog post done. The house is silent,  so there arebno distractions. The sounds of Mother Nature doing her thing outside are soothing to my soul. I still don’t like waking up early in the morning, but (I never thought i would ever say this) it has its advantages.  It’s an important part of my “me time” (more about that later)  and it’s where I get some of my “work” thinking done.

#quotescreator #benjaminfranklinquotes #groundedafrican #african #timemanagement #productivity

Restrict Social media use

I am guilty of having my phone in my hand most of the time that I am awake. If I think about it, my phone habit has replaced my smoking habit. (Aaaah the joys of an addictive personality😜.) I have had to train myself to turn this habit into a positive one. My phone has become an educational and productivity tool rather than just a time thief. How you ask? I spend more time reading books via my kindle app and google books, writing blogs and learning from reading other’s blogs on WordPress and Medium, than I do on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I am also able to check and answer emails and messages, do research on the net and source inspirational and motivational material to keep me going.

Of course, social media always beckons if you let it so I switch off my notifications. This just takes away the reason to open the apps regularly. When I find that this is not working for me then I delete them for a few months. Out of sight = out of mind. Another reason that I don’t visit social media often anymore is that I find it draining, especially Facebook. Far too many people bring their personal baggage to the app. Scrolling through all the sadness and the complaining steals my joy and my energy. Of course, who and what you follow on social media also determines your experience of it so I guess I need to relook at who I follow on Facebook especially. IG is a much happier environment for me probably because I follow a lot more inspirational and motivational sites and fewer people as such. Twitter gives me a snapshot of world events at a moment in time,  which can get depressing if you let it.

Switch off to the world and on to the relationships that matter
I only get to see my son for approximately 5 hours every day. An hour or so in the morning before school and about 4 hours at the end of the day before bedtime. During those times, I try and keep my phone out of my hands and focus as much on him as possible. We go over homework, catch up on his day. Watch a little tv together and, of course, have our bedtime reading session. It’s scary to think that I blink and he is another day older.

Now my boyfriend, on the other hand, is a screen addict. If he is not on his phone, then he is glued to the TV or his computer. It’s not only for entertainment though, sometimes it’s work-related. If I didn’t know better, I would think that I bored the crap out of him. Fortunately, he does have other things away from “the screen” that he is interested in and that we have in common. We use that to form our own little bubble and enjoy each other’s company as often as we can. Being able to connect with my son and boyfriend fulfils and sustains me.

Me time
This is where I find my peace. Since I started waking up earlier, I find that this is about the best time for me to spend time reflecting, praying and just connecting with God and myself. That stillness in the morning naturally lends itself to this practice. I write in my journal. I set goals. I pray. I still haven’t gotten into the habit of meditating as such yet, but I will get there.

I still need to find the time in my day for exercise as I really need to get into that habit.  It would definitely help me create more energy for the things I want to do. Making time to reach out to friends is also a priority for me, however I haven’t worked it in it.   Lastly, creating a study schedule that I will stick to is also a challenge.  I will figure something out though.

Do you have any tips and tricks to create time in your day that you could share?  Please do add them in the comments section.  I would love to hear from you.

Ultimately, I have had to look ahead and decide what I would like to accomplish 1, 5 and 10 years from now and prioritise my life so that it is possible to achieve those goals. There are things that I still need to let go of because that sap my energy and are holding me back.  It’s going to take courage though and, to be honest, I am still a little paralysed by fear. I will get there though.

Here’s a link to a great talk on how to gain control of your time  by Laura Vandakram which I found after writing this blog and has given me additional food for thought.  There might be something you find useful too.

 

After all…

#quotescreator #haveitall #oprahwinfreyquote #groundedafrican #african #creatingtime #productivity