Category: Motherhood

5 life lessons to keep me moving forward

At the beginning of this year I promised myself that I would make some changes so that I could move closer to achieving the goals that I set for myself. You see, I had made a conscious decision to put my plans on hold over the last 2 years for various reasons. I have no regrets but I have also learned a few valuable lessons through the experience.

Lesson #1: Pay yourself first

The financial gurus always tell you this and, as a woman and as a mother especially, I find it hard to do so. It’s like we are preprogrammed to give of ourselves and never take. I have learned that I need to pay myself first not only financially but also physically because poor health doesn’t help me or anyone else. Of course I have to pay myself emotionally because being a woman requires an inner strength of note. It’s easier and quicker to replenish that strength before it is depleted and not after. Lastly, I have to keep my spiritual self in balance as well. Life is so much easier when you know you have a higher power on your side. This is a tough one but a lesson I had to learn. It’s not selfish, it’s as necessary as living and breathing.

Lesson #2: Not everything you do will be appreciated. Do it anyway

Those people who know me well, know that I like to give of myself and of the little that I have. I love to see the delight on people’s faces especially when you surprise them with an unexpected little gift or compliment or act. Sometimes all it takes is a smile to light up someone’s day. This helps me replenish my spiritual and emotional self. My only expectation has always been that you either pay it forward or that you help yourself move forward. It breaks my heart when that doesn’t happen but I have learned that I should do it with no expectations of the recipient. Of course I also won’t do it indefinitely if I see that you are merely abusing my kindness. That would just be stupid on my part. I will continue to do it anyway though because I don’t know what the knock on effect could be. It might not be visible to me right now but I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason.

Lesson #3: I do things differently and that’s ok.

I have spent my whole life lambasting myself for not fitting in. There are very few people in this world that “get me” and accept me as I am. You know what…that’s ok. I view the world differently. I am a “deep” thinker and not a “quick” thinker. Don’t tell me a story now and ask for my opinion. I will probably stare at you blankly. I often need time to process what I have taken in and when I do give you an answer, it will be worth the wait. I am an introvert. I actually love that I am. I love that I don’t have to be part of the hustle and bustle of life 24/7. I don’t have to be on social media constantly (although I do admit to a mild addiction to Twitter in particular 😜) I am different and that’s ok. It actually feels like I have taken a load off every time I write that. Wait gotta do it again…I am different and that’s ok. 😁

Lesson #4: I am enough

This one stems from lesson #3. It’s not enough to just accept that I am different. I am also enough as I am. I don’t need to be better than everyone else at everything. I just need to work at getting better at things that I need for everyday and for the future. At work we set “stretching” goals for ourselves every year in different areas so that we are continuously growing ourselves as people, our skills and ultimately the business. That’s all I need to do in life to keep myself challenged, moving forward and growing as a person. I am enough as I am but God has given me the capacity to keep growing so who am I to say no.

Lesson #5: Travel is a gift to yourself. Give it.

I love traveling to new places and doing different things. I especially love exposing my son to new places and people and then watch him grow because of the experiences he has had. This is one of the items that was put on hold over the last two years that I need to get back on track. My trips overseas this year reminded me of what an exciting experience it is. The exposure to new cultures helps me look at the world through different eyes. Even a trip within the country is enough to get perk the brain up😁. I am so excited just thinking about it! I can’t wait for us to go on our first trip!

As always, I leave you with an African proverb to ponder on…

#Africanproveb #Life #lifelessons #groundedafrican

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5 things I would change if I had to had to go back into time

I was looking at my skin in the mirror the other day and thanking God for the good genes that He has blessed me with.  Unfortunately, genetics is not enough to keep my skin looking good. It definitely lays a great foundation though! 🙂  I haven’t always looked after my skin. In fact, as with most things, I started my face care routine a little late in life. This got me thinking about some of the tweaks I would make if I could live my life over.
 
#1. Don’t forget your sunscreen!
As a kid, summer was my favourite time of year.  I spent many hours in the sun swimming and playing outside.  As an adult, I have spent many hours at the beach and driving in the sun.    I never ever applied sunscreen in all that time. Shock and Horror!   No doubt it’s the reason for the damage I see on my face today.   It would be a lot worse if I didn’t eventually heed the warnings out there about the dangers of sun exposure.  SPF50 is now my friend.  Remember…it’s never too late to start the habit either.  I know it sucks trying to find one that doesn’t leave you looking ghostly if you are a person of colour. It looks like the companies are getting better at it.   We live in hope I  guess.
#2. Don’t smoke
Let me start by saying that I LOVED smoking.  I loved the ritual of smoking.  I loved lighting the cigarette and taking that first deep pull on it.  I loved smoking while drinking coffee (my other vice) or after a good meal in particular.   Yip…you get it…I LOVED smoking.  The thing is though, if I had never started, I would never have known what I was missing out on.  It’s been almost 5 years since I stopped and I will never go back.  Stopping was not easy and brought on a host of other issues so nope…I am not going to start once more.  I have no desire to go through that drama again.  This leads me to #3…
#3. Be an exercise junky!
Here’s the thing…once my life as a student ended, I became quite sedentary.  I also had a car so walking hectically long distances was no longer necessary.  Initially, the weight crept on.  You could still find me dancing the night away in the club over the weekends. The impact of having a car was negligible.  I stopped clubbing.  Well…that’s when the problem really started. The weight started creeping on faster and faster.  I was in denial.   I had been thin my entire life.  “This can’t be happening to me”.  I did nothing.  Then…I had a baby.  The weight piled on.  Only then did it twig that I better get my A into G and move.  I lost some.  I gave up smoking…sigh.  I gained loads more than I had lost!   Yip…Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho it’s off the gym I go.  I’ve got this!  This war I will win.  An exercise junky I will become!
 
#4. Take more risks
Those of you that know me, know that I can be quite scared of my own shadow at times.  I have probably missed out on a lot of opportunities in various areas of my life because taking a risk scared me.  There are times when I see my son been afraid of taking risks. My heart breaks because I know that he is missing out on something exciting that he will actually enjoy.   Sometimes he surprises me and faces his fears head-on.  That’s when he inspires me to face mine 🙂 
#5.  Fail more often
One of the reasons I didn’t take more risks when I was younger was because I feared failure.  I was soooo embarrassed to fail.  I am also a control freak.  The problem with taking a risk is that you don’t know how things will turn out.  Being in control has kept me feeling safe.  Life is short though and safe has become boring so my new life rules have become:
  • “I won’t get if I don’t ask”
  • “I won’t learn if I don’t try”
  • “I can’t win it if I’m not in it”
This is the tip of the iceberg for me.  Striving to give my son a great life experience has forced me to question my beliefs. I often have to unlearn things so that I can relearn them, especially through his eyes.  The world becomes a marvellous place again when looked at through the eyes of a child.
I leave you with an African Proverb …
#africanproverb #groundedafrican #african #blog #learning #life #quotescreator
Photographer: M. Frankson Venue: Kenneth Stainbank Nature Reserve, Durban

 

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Quality time with my little human

Holidays…what a pleasure!  It’s been a week and I have to say the time I have spent chilling with my little man has been priceless!  Not only have we been out and about spending time with family and friends but we have also been just been enjoying each other’s company.

This time with him has given me the opportunity to really “see” him and pay attention to the person he is becoming.  I must admit that I am blown away but what I see.  I see a big boy who is evolving into an impressive young man.  Of course I am biased but, at the same time, I definitely see lots to be proud of.

If I look back at the year past, he really got to grips with the concept of self motivation. He embraced affirmations and, on New Year’s Eve, was very keen to participate in a Law of Attraction exercise. He listed the things he wanted to let go of and the things he wanted to achieve or change in 2018. In a nutshell, he has matured a lot.

He has such a sense of humour as well. We were actually just chatting about the year ahead and the importance of discipline and focus.  When we were done, I hug him and tell him that I love and him and that I want him to prosper. His response, in his driest tone,..”like Absa”.  I laughed so hard.  (Absa is the name of a bank in SA that promises to help you prosper).  He hits me with these deadpan jokes of his when I least expect it. Cracks me up everytime.

This time has also been spent reconnecting with old friends and with family. My dad came to see in my birthday with me. We spent the evening playing monopoly. We all had such a blast that we completely lost track of time that night. Another of my favourite moments was driving down to the farm with my son. It’s about a 2 hour drive one way. The scenery is amazing. We had lunch with my aunts and their families. Lots of laughter was shared as well as great food. The time spent with them was so worth the drive.

Unfortunately, it’s time to return to school and work. 😔 I return feeling grounded. Centered. Clear on how I want to spend my year. I probably could have done with another week of rest but it’s ok. Some rest is better than none.😁 I hope that you have had the opportunity to rest as well this festive season. We forget how important it is to look after ourselves so that we have the energy to keep grinding and looking after our loved ones.

I’ll leave you with another African proverb I found…#africanproverb #groundedafrican #african #life #motherhood