Category: Blog posts

History was made in my time

What major historical events do you remember?

I have walked this earth for 50 years. So many major historical events have taken place over this time.

Let me start back in 1981. The Royal Wedding. I was in grade 3 and we were so excited. My teacher had brought a TV to school so that we could watch. It was like watching a fairytale come to life,

I remember the newspaper reports detailing the sheer euphoria of the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. It blew everyone’s minds!

In February 1990, it was South Africa’s turn! Nelson Mandela was released from prison. I was in matric (grade 12) and suddenly the world was my oyster. I remember my friend and I going to Wimpy (a family restaurant chain) as often as possible because now we could actually sit inside the restaurant and eat. The following year, I was able to attend what was traditionally a white’s only tertiary institution. It was fascinating to go to class with people of different races all of I sudden.

I remember standing in the queue with my mother to cast my vote on the 27th April 1994. It was a sunny day. I voted at the voting station in the suburb where I grew up. It was so exciting to be a part of history! I remember seeing the long winding queues at voting stations around the country on TV that day. . It was an amazing day. Democracy had officially arrived in South Africa. I have voted in every election since because I treasure this very precious right to vote that so many fought and died for.

Do you remember where you were on September 11 2001? I was at work. It was after 3pm and my boyfriend called to tell me that a plan had hit the towers. Then he called to say a second plan had hit. He was at home sitting mesmerised in front of the tv. I got home before the towers collapsed. We, like the rest of the world, were in shock. We were horrified at what had just happened. I think the horror of that event is seared in our collective memories.

I’ll end with that truly sad day on the 31st August 1997 when the news broke that Princess Diana had died. It was a cold, wet Sunday morning. Our hearts were broken. The beautiful fairytale princess of my childhood was no more.

This is just a taste of those historical events that are imprinted in my memory. No doubt there will be lots more to come. What events have been imprinted on your memory?

Facing It

I had been feeling out of sorts for the past 3-4 weeks. I wasn’t sure why. This past weekend it suddenly hit me what the problem was or at least I thought I did.

As it turns out, a person came in to my life a few months ago and, unintentionally, reminded me of a space I found myself in at one point. I felt so guilty at the time but things worked out brilliantly (largely) so I thought I was done with that period in my life. Suddenly, here it was, gnawing away at my conscience a little at a time. About 2 weeks ago I found myself in a situation which really set my alarm bells off and made me stop and think about what was really going on. 

I spent a day or two just contemplating it all. I sat and spoke it through with a very good friend and in the process, the real issue, came to the surface.   I had buried it so deep and overlaid it with a story that worked for me. I told myself I felt guilty about it but that wasn’t true . That belief in my guilt, that story that I told myself, has kept me trapped in the past and living in fear of consequences that are never going to happen for so long.

I cried as spoke to my friend. I cried because I realised that the thing that was really bugging me was that the one person I thought would be the last to judge me, was the only one who did. We were in it together. We chose to act together in a moment of time and then suddenly I was the bad person for taking the action with them but they were not. They refused to accept responsibility for their actions and laid the blame at my door. Not only did they blame me but they hurled the most devastating insults at me. Their insults made me question my worth as a human being and they made sure they insulted me every chance they got. Even though I knew that their behaviour was coming from a place of pain within themselves and, that I shouldn’t let it bother me, I clearly internalised it anyway. I was devastated then and it still hurts when I think of it now to be honest but at least now I know where the issue lies and I feel liberated. 

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Image: Canva

The reality is that the person that unintentionally acted as the trigger (let’s call them Lex), is also someone who has brought so much positivity in my life. I love the person that I get to see through their eyes. She is pretty awesome! 🙂 Perhaps that’s what really freaked me out, I have finally met another human being who I really respect, admire and enjoy and I treasure the connection that I have with them. I used to treasure my connection with the person who turned on me too which is why their harsh judgement of me hurt so much. I don’t want Lex to turn around and judge me in the same way one day.

I guess the moral of the story is that I need to accept that for every action I take, there will be consequences. Some good, some bad and some will be really bad. Every choice I make must be made with an acceptance that I will not have control over those consequences but I will have control over how I react and what I take from the experience. At the end of the day, even though it felt like that whole episode broke me at the time, the reality is that it didn’t. I am stronger and, now that I am actually working through it, a little wiser. 🙂

During our conversation, my friend taught me about the word Tawakkul which essentially speaks to putting your trust and faith in God in Arabic. She reminded me that it is not for me to question but rather to accept and surrender to the situations I find myself in. Everything is working out for my good all the time even when it looks like it may not. I might just make the word Tawakkul my next tattoo as a reminder to do whats in my control but leave the rest to God’s grace. 

That’s it for now! Thanks for reading.

Reflections

‘You will never have this day again so make it count’ – the cover of my new spiral notebook said. Ironic, given that death is top of mind for me today. It’s been 5 years since my mum passed away. While our lives have moved on, I sometimes find myself wondering what I could have done to make my time with her count more.

Photo by Olha Ruskykh on Pexels.com

As I have mentioned in previous posts, my mum and I were not very close. There is nothing I can do to change that, but it’s always good to reflect and learn from our experiences. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

I would have given her more grace.

I was (and still am) very headstrong as a kid. My mum and I would constantly clash. I thought I had all the answers. As a result, she would often send me to my dad for help with my homework, in an effort to preserve her sanity. I took this as a sign that she didn’t know the answers, but that wasn’t true. She knew. She just didn’t want to get into an argument if her answer wasn’t what I expected. I grew up believing that my dad was way smarter than my mum, but she was actually just as smart, if not smarter in some ways. I can only imagine how much better our relationship would have been and how much I would have learned from her if I had just given her some grace and respected her knowledge more.

I would have spent more quality time with her

I would have spent more time doing the things she loved with her. Baking was my mother’s love language. She poured her heart and soul into it, and it was evident in every morsel. As I write this, my son is making an apple pie in memory of her. It’s what she did with her grandchildren. It’s how she built a bond with them. They loved baking with granny, and it’s how my son chooses to connect with her even though she is gone. She and I also enjoyed word puzzles, so I tried to connect with her over that, but I could have done more. We also enjoyed reading, although she enjoyed romance novels the most, which was just not my thing. But I would read her books nonetheless and add some to her little bookshelf for when she was in the mood to read.

I seem to have intuitively done these things with my son. I have made it my priority to spend as much time as possible doing the things he enjoys so that we can share the bond that I didn’t get to share with my mum. I do appreciate that my mum had to split her time and energy between four very different daughters, so she did the best she knew how. I only have one child, and that is taxing enough, so I can only imagine what it was like raising four!

I was thinking back to the stories that people told of her at her memorial, and it was wonderful to hear how she became a mentor to some. My mother always loved giving back to the community, especially through the church, and it was evident that the manner in which she chose to give back had evolved from being part of committees to mentoring people. She kept giving back to the very end.

I do miss her terribly and always will. I am glad, though, that she is at peace where she is, and I am grateful that she is still there when I need her – just in a different form. I am also very grateful that she passed her baking skills on to my son. That apple pie he made was delicious!

I guess that’s it for now. Chat soon.