Category: Life

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams – Ralph Waldo Emerson

#successmindset #life #positivevibes #inspiration #motivation #quotes

I was sitting and wondering what to do about a particular problem that I have been facing of late.  This problem has been consuming me and I have been raging against it and I just need to stop allowing this.  While I was pondering how to move on from it I came across the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson on IG.  It just resonated with me and knew I had found a solution.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” – Dr Wayne Dyer

I realised that I had been looking at the issue all wrong.  I have been living in fear of the worst coming to pass rather than focusing on what I truly desired, taking the necessary action to get the ball rolling and trusting that it will happen.  Faith after all is said to move mountains.

Don’t be pushed by your problems

There has been so many times in my life where I have acted out of desperation to try and solve the problem at hand.  When I get into this mode I become anxious, I generate a lot of negative energy and I often make decisions that are not aligned to my vision for myself. This of course creates a negative loop and things can quickly spiral out of control.

I see it happening at work as well sometimes where we will start a project with intention A, something in the environment changes, and we get sidetracked and react to the environmental change and lose focus on the original intention. The decisions we make take us on a new path that often leads to failure.  It is so easy to get side tracked and lose sight of the goal.  It wastes time and energy.

I see it happen in my relationships with people.  In my last relationship, we got sidetracked by a particular problem we were facing.  We were so caught up in the problem that we forgot that we had vowed that it would always be us vs the problem rather than me vs him.  The sad part is that we made an excellent team, we just forgot to work as one in this particular instance and it completely tore us apart.

Be led by your dreams

That line says it all…be led by your dreams.  Focus on the positive.  Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. Focus on where you want to be and the decisions you make will take you closer to achieving your dreams.

I have a friend that the rest of my friends in this particular circle always site as a fantastic example of how you will get what you want if you focus on it.  She had made a decision to marry a man that met certain criteria.  Initially she made lifestyle choices that would always bring her into contact with this type of man.  She met many frogs but she never gave up on her dream and never wavered in her criteria.  In the end, he found her.  He was exactly what she said she wanted.  Today they are happily married and have a family.  Whenever I doubt my ability to manifest what I want I think of her story and put new energy into my dreams.

I have been reading a few books to get myself back into a positive space and to focus on the things I want to attract into my life. I highly recommend them if you are looking to get into a more positive space and want to achieve your goals and dreams:

  • Manifest  now by Idil Ahmed
  • The Power of the subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy

Both books help you change your mindset and share great affirmations that you can use to create confidence in yourself, create a positive mindset and even to change your relationship with money if you constantly have money issues.

I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from The Alchemist:

Day 5 of my new reality… a world without my mum in it.

My Mum

It is day 5 of my new reality. 5 days of life without my mum. My quiet, fiercely independent and loving mum. My heart is broken that she is no longer with us but I know that she is now at peace. She suffers no more and that gives me great comfort. She taught me much in the 45 years I was blessed to call her my mum. These are just a few of the valuable lessons I learned from her:

1. You are responsible for your life

Like I have mentioned above and in a previous post, my mum was a fiercely independent woman. She didn’t sit around waiting for anyone, she just quietly went about doing what needed to be done. She was dedicated to her family, to her job and to her God. Through her example, my sisters and I have learnt responsibility and diligence and have each become independent woman ourselves.

2. Being a mother means loving and accepting your children and being there for them always

I remember calling my mum to tell her that I was pregnant. I was 34 and single and felt like I had let my parents down terribly. She quietly listened and then said to me “It is what it is my child. It’s ok. Let me know what I can do for you”. She did not judge me. She didn’t make me feel guilty, she just accepted me and loved me anyway. She was a woman of few words and seldom voiced her emotions to me but she showed me her love by her actions. True to her words, she was there for me in every way that I allowed her to be and even in ways that I never expected. She loved her grandson dearly and he lived for that one week every holiday that he would spend with her. Thank you Mummy.

Alex and his Beloved Granny

3. Actions speak louder than words

Like I said, my mum was a woman of few words. What she didn’t say, she showed. One of the ways she showed her love was through her baking. She loved to bake and she was an excellent baker. She set the standard very high and it is very seldom that I taste someone else’s cakes and find them up to the standard of my mum’s. My mum never said “welcome to my home” or “happy to be here” with words. She said it with a her baking. She knew everyone in and outside of the family’s favourites and made a point of baking it when she knew they were coming or if she was going to visit them. She took great pleasure in delighting everyone in this way. In our home, Sunday night’s were treasured because she would bake 2-3 different delights every Sunday afternoon and that was how we spent our Sunday evenings, savouring my mum’s delicious baking as a family before we started a new week.

4. Your smile lights up the world

Some of the comments that I have often gotten from people over the past few days is “I am going to miss her smile”, “whenever you met her she would always give you a big smile”, “she was always smiling”, “she had a lovely smile”. My mum delighted everyone she met with her smile. She used it to make them feel welcome in her presence. She used it brighten their day. Her smile lit up the world of everyone around her. It was a simple yet effective and gracious tool that she used to make this world a better place everyday. Even while she was in the hospital. No matter how terrible she was feeling, whenever her grandchildren came to see her, she would find the energy to sit up straight and put on her brightest smile when she saw them. It blew me away to see her do that every time.

There is of course so much more that I could share about my mum and I know that as I continue to reflect on her life and my experience of her in the coming weeks and years, there will be a lot more valuable lessons that will come to mind. Even though my son only got to spend 10 years with her, he was blessed to have lots of quality time with her and she instilled in him lots of values and of course, a love for baking.

Baking in memory of Granny this week

Thank you for being you Mummy. You were authentic and an inspiration. I am blessed to call you my mum.

Rest In Peace Mummy.

Be careful who you push away…some of us don’t come back…(maybe some of us are not meant to anyway?)

I was scrolling through Instagram at some ungodly hour this morning (thanks storm for waking me up!) when I saw this quote. My initial reaction was “sadly true” but then I was like “wait a minute…is it really?”. I felt a sense of apprehension when I first read it. That couldn’t be good. I decided that if I really believed that, I would be living a life of fear and not of faith. I pondered on it a little further and realised that the people who were meant to be in your life will always come back. Let me share a few stories of why I believe this to be true.

#lettinggo #noregrets #refocus #recreate #groundedafrican #wordpress

About 10 years ago, a very good friend and I had a falling out. I was so angry with her and I walked away from a treasured friendship. My heart was broken but I believed that I was setting boundaries for myself and I was. For 5 years I did not see or speak to her and, although I missed her terribly, I was ok and so was she. In those 5 years, our lives changed and we evolved as people. One Saturday evening I was waiting for my pizza to be ready when I saw someone that we both knew. At the time, I remember wanting to take a pic of him and share it with her because only she would understand the memories and thoughts flashing through my mind at the time. I missed her more than ever in that moment. Little did I know that the Universe was “softening me up” for her return into my life. The following Monday, I received this heartfelt apology from her in my inbox with no expectations from me except to read it. I cried so much and immediately responded to say all is forgiven. We have been best friends again ever since. Our friendship is the same and yet different but it is more rewarding because we had grown as people while we were apart. I believe it all happened for a reason and, in hindsight, the time apart was preparing us to be the people we needed to be support each other in the future. #noregrets

Another example from about 5 years ago which I have written about previously is when a family member and I had a falling out of sorts. I had spent my entire life trying to please this person but nothing I did was ever good enough. One day, they said something that just took it too far and I snapped. I loved this person dearly but there was only so much I could take. I drew a line in the sand and I walked away. Walking away was a liberating experience for me and, once again, my life changed and I evolved as a person. A few months later, this person called offering to help me in a way that they never had before. There was no formal apology but I knew that the offer in itself was one so I took them up on the offer to let them know that it was ok and that all was forgiven. As with the 1st example, our relationship was different but more rewarding thereafter.

I, of course, have lots of examples where people never did come back and guess what…my life has gone on anyway. I am ok and probably better off because of the experiences and lessons they taught me and because they were once apart of my life. I thank them for this wherever they are.

The point is that, in my experience, we push people away for a reason. Usually it is because they have disrespected the boundaries we have set for ourselves. The reality is that if we don’t honour those boundaries for ourselves then we set the example for the people in our lives and cause ourselves unnecessary misery. They will just trample all over them.

#boundaries #noregrets #life #lifelessons #groundedafrican #wordpress

Honouring my boundaries has been liberating and led to my growth as a person. My life experiences have become richer because of this growth. I have become more confident in myself and see the world in a different light.

So to get back to the original quote that got me thinking in the first place (at this ungodly hour of the morning😜)… “be careful who you push away…sometimes they don’t come back”… I say “Goodbye to those who don’t come back and thank you for the lessons. Your time in my life is valued. All the best on the rest of your journey”. To those who do come back…”I welcome you with open arms. Thank you for giving me the space to grow and evolve. I look forward to sharing this new leg of our journey together with you.”

Have you also found in that in hindsight some people just were just meant to be and that actually you have no regrets about letting them go at some point? I would love to hear about your experiences.

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