Category: Life

Be careful who you push away…some of us don’t come back…(maybe some of us are not meant to anyway?)

I was scrolling through Instagram at some ungodly hour this morning (thanks storm for waking me up!) when I saw this quote. My initial reaction was “sadly true” but then I was like “wait a minute…is it really?”. I felt a sense of apprehension when I first read it. That couldn’t be good. I decided that if I really believed that, I would be living a life of fear and not of faith. I pondered on it a little further and realised that the people who were meant to be in your life will always come back. Let me share a few stories of why I believe this to be true.

#lettinggo #noregrets #refocus #recreate #groundedafrican #wordpress

About 10 years ago, a very good friend and I had a falling out. I was so angry with her and I walked away from a treasured friendship. My heart was broken but I believed that I was setting boundaries for myself and I was. For 5 years I did not see or speak to her and, although I missed her terribly, I was ok and so was she. In those 5 years, our lives changed and we evolved as people. One Saturday evening I was waiting for my pizza to be ready when I saw someone that we both knew. At the time, I remember wanting to take a pic of him and share it with her because only she would understand the memories and thoughts flashing through my mind at the time. I missed her more than ever in that moment. Little did I know that the Universe was “softening me up” for her return into my life. The following Monday, I received this heartfelt apology from her in my inbox with no expectations from me except to read it. I cried so much and immediately responded to say all is forgiven. We have been best friends again ever since. Our friendship is the same and yet different but it is more rewarding because we had grown as people while we were apart. I believe it all happened for a reason and, in hindsight, the time apart was preparing us to be the people we needed to be support each other in the future. #noregrets

Another example from about 5 years ago which I have written about previously is when a family member and I had a falling out of sorts. I had spent my entire life trying to please this person but nothing I did was ever good enough. One day, they said something that just took it too far and I snapped. I loved this person dearly but there was only so much I could take. I drew a line in the sand and I walked away. Walking away was a liberating experience for me and, once again, my life changed and I evolved as a person. A few months later, this person called offering to help me in a way that they never had before. There was no formal apology but I knew that the offer in itself was one so I took them up on the offer to let them know that it was ok and that all was forgiven. As with the 1st example, our relationship was different but more rewarding thereafter.

I, of course, have lots of examples where people never did come back and guess what…my life has gone on anyway. I am ok and probably better off because of the experiences and lessons they taught me and because they were once apart of my life. I thank them for this wherever they are.

The point is that, in my experience, we push people away for a reason. Usually it is because they have disrespected the boundaries we have set for ourselves. The reality is that if we don’t honour those boundaries for ourselves then we set the example for the people in our lives and cause ourselves unnecessary misery. They will just trample all over them.

#boundaries #noregrets #life #lifelessons #groundedafrican #wordpress

Honouring my boundaries has been liberating and led to my growth as a person. My life experiences have become richer because of this growth. I have become more confident in myself and see the world in a different light.

So to get back to the original quote that got me thinking in the first place (at this ungodly hour of the morning😜)… “be careful who you push away…sometimes they don’t come back”… I say “Goodbye to those who don’t come back and thank you for the lessons. Your time in my life is valued. All the best on the rest of your journey”. To those who do come back…”I welcome you with open arms. Thank you for giving me the space to grow and evolve. I look forward to sharing this new leg of our journey together with you.”

Have you also found in that in hindsight some people just were just meant to be and that actually you have no regrets about letting them go at some point? I would love to hear about your experiences.

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3 lessons I have learned from my last relationship

#relationships #lifelessons #life #deardiary #groundedafrican #wordpress
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I have never been one to over analyse what’s gone wrong in any of my relationships.  I have often taken the route of pompously getting on my horse and riding off into the sunset believing I was the better person and that I had been done wrong by the other party.  Pretty damn immature of me and as a result I did not grow or learn.  The past three and a half years though are a journey that I want to remember and understand because it has been an amazing experience.

Just over 3 years ago I made a decision to let go of my fear of commitment in every aspect of my life.  The first commitment I made was to buy a home for my son and I. The idea of taking on a bond and owing that much money to anyone completely freaked me out but I bit the bullet and signed on the dotted line.  The Universe saw I was serious and on the day the sale came through, I met my now, ex-boyfriend.  We clicked immediately but the relationship was very casual.  As soon as I realised that I really liked him, I freaked out and bolted and bewildered the poor soul.  I did go back and grovel when I realised that I was just running away from a potential commitment but he was crushed and was not interested so I gave up.  Thankfully he came back.  I am glad we gave it a second chance.  Here’s a few lessons I have learned about myself and relationships in general through the whole experience:

1. People view your words and actions through their own filters

I have always gotten frustrated with people when they don’t see things the way I do or at least acknowledged my point of view.  Always.  In this relationship, I was no different.  People usually perceive it as me wanting to be right.  In this relationship, it was no different.  In some cases, where I knew something to be true then yes, I would insist on having my viewpoint at least acknowledged.  I don’t need you to tell me I am right especially where I know I am but I do need to be heard.  What you do with the information thereafter is your choice.  You are entitled to your opinion after all.  My friend’s mum always used to tell us that advice was free and that you were under no obligation to take it and neither was anyone under any obligation to take yours.  What I have come to realise is that people view your words and actions through their own filters. Their reactions are not about what you said or did but about their perceptions created by their life experiences.  Every time someone says or does something, we have a choice, we can assume that we know their intention or we can stop and ask for clarity.  The former can lead to loads of misunderstandings and a lot of unnecessary frustration and pain. The latter leads to understanding and an opportunity to strengthen the bond that you have (or just ensures longer periods of peace in the relationship. 😉)

2. Everyone’s path is perfect 

We all have our own paths in life.  We all have our own dreams and how we achieve them is our business.  It is our job to focus on manifesting our own dreams and leaving others to do the same. My ex was in a position to live my dream.  As a result, I lived it vicariously through him and got frustrated when things weren’t working out or moving at a pace that I would have preferred.  I lost focus on owning and manifesting my own goals and dreams because, if I must be honest with myself, I thought it was what I was supposed to do as a partner.  I was wrong though.  My job was to love and support him and focus on my own path.  I also felt out of control because I was relying on him to achieve his goals instead of taking control of my own life. I have set myself back quite a bit so I am grateful that I now have the space to refocus.  There is so much I want to achieve.

3. I am enough as I am

#iamenough #life #lifeskills #relationships #blog #wordpress #groundedafrican #lifelessons
Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

I have written about this before and it is worth mentioning again because it is so easy to forget.  I am enough.  I don’t have to feel less than that because one person does not appreciate my worth.  Their inability to appreciate me is their choice and they are entitled to it.  I thank them for the time we shared and the memories and release what was in love and appreciation.  I have no regrets and am grateful for the experience of knowing and loving him for yes, he too is enough.

There are so many more lessons that I have learned which I will share over time.   Now that all that is done with though, I look forward to my next relationship for I know that, thanks to these lessons, it will be an even richer experience.  In the meantime, my new mantra is #refocusandrecreate.  I am refocusing on my dreams and recreating my reality. My hands are open and I am ready to commit to the next person and or project that comes along.

I would love to hear the lessons you have learned from your relationships.  Please do share in the comments section.

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“Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination” Drake

Oh my hat!  These past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster of note. Making the decision to let go of control 2 weeks ago has brought about a lot (and I mean a loooot) of soul searching.  In the process I have uncovered a few truths about myself that I guess I always knew but have not been able to accept in the past.  I know this sounds weird but it feels like a gateway has opened for a limited time and, in order to go through it and appreciate whats on the other side, I need to change the lenses through which I view myself and the world around me.

It sounds simple enough doesn’t it, just change the lenses. The problem is that these lenses also change my view of myself when I look in the mirror.  Turns out there are parts of me that have served me well over the first 45 years of my life but now need to be shed to allow me to evolve and grow. It is accepting this fact and letting go of what I am that has caused this emotional roller coaster ride that I am now on.   I feel like the ugly duckling and am praying that I am a cygnet and not just a very ugly duckling deluding myself that I am swan in the making…lol.

#Tupac #Tupacquotes #journey #lifesajourney #blog #Afrcan #groundedafrican

If I think back, this all started when I started the energy of attraction meditation experience by Deepak Chopra and Oprah.  One morning, I was listening to someone complain, yet again, about the issues they were having.  These issues have been the same issues for the past 2 or more years.  Their behaviours haven’t really changed but this person expected their situation to change even though they kept doing the same thing over and over and it wasn’t actually working.  Something in me clicked listening to them and I knew that it was time that I changed things up in order to break the cycle I found myself in.   I needed to let go of the things I was holding onto that have not moved me forward so that I could make space for the things and people that will.  I did not expect the inner turmoil that I would unleash in myself.  On the positive side, I have had amazing support from my friends, cousin and sisters that has really helped me put things into perspective.

#GPS #lifesajourney #lifemap #inspiration #life #blog #african #groundedafrican
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This is a journey that I am on.  I will stumble from time to time but that’s ok. I just need to learn to trust that the GPS coordinates I have are correct.  I can’t see the destination on the map right now and that’s ok too.  Faith that that “voice” knows where it is taking me to and that the destination is where I need to be in the future is all I need.  There will be pit stops along the way where I will meet people and have experiences that will mould me into the person I need to be by the time I reach that destination.   I just need to open myself to the lessons.  I just hope there are a few vehicle upgrades planned  as I go along as this one gives quite a bumpy ride…Sjoe😜

It’s pouring with rain outside right now so I am going to grab a cup of coffee, settle back into my bed and continue learning from Steve Job’s journey through his biography.  I am only about 12% of the way through but I would highly recommend it.  The man was fascinating.

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