Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
Oooh, that’s another good question that got me thinking. If you had asked me this question 16 or so years ago, it would definitely have been the past. I was so focused on what was left behind that I didn’t give much thought to the future. This had such a negative impact on my life.
I was such an angry and probably moody, depressed person because I wanted it all back, and, to be honest, I was terrified of looking forward. I didn’t know where to start rebuilding.
Then, through Oprah’s show, I discovered the power of now and the law of attraction, and I started focusing on the now and building the future. It’s a journey—one where I constantly have to be mindful of my thoughts.
Where I was once very judgemental and resentful, I now try to be positive and see the positive in others first. However, if my instincts tell me to steer clear of someone, I listen because some element of that person will do me more harm than good. Not deliberately, but they are to be treated as a ship passing in the night. I still have to master the art of seeing possibilities within problems, but at least I am conscious of it so I can keep working on it.
Image: Canva
The other benefit of anchoring in the now and looking forward is that I am always filled with faith and hope. The world seems brighter, and I feel lighter. It’s a much happier place to be. I still get disappointed when things take longer to fall into place than I would like, but I do know that it will eventually, so I don’t dwell on the disappointment. It also means I don’t dwell in anger either. Living in the now also means that you have to accept what is. So yes, I still get angry, but I can let go and move on once I have accepted what is.
An interesting lesson I have learned is that the past has a way of popping up when I enter a new phase in my life which requires me to make some changes. I become aware of experiences in the past that caused me to hold myself back in some way. This helps me figure out the changes I need to make within in order to become who I need to be to achieve my next goal. I don’t dwell on the past though. I sit with what comes up for as long as I need to understand the lesson and move on.
So, to answer the question, I spend more time in the now with the future firmly in my sights.
Thanks for popping in. Let me know in the comments where your focus lies and why.
This a great question. I have been reading through many of the answers and am so fascinated that most writers have not mentioned material gifts. Instead, they have spoken about emotive gifts like time, love, respect and appreciation. Material gifts are always welcome for me, especially as a single woman. I most often have to spoil myself as there are not too many people thinking of spoiling me. That is not the greatest gift that someone could give me, though. Much like the gift I appreciate the most is time, but not just time, time for me when I need you to be available.
Image: Canva
I know it sounds a little odd, but it is borne out of my recent experience. I had made a new friend online, and we got on very well, or so I thought. The strangest thing was that I could never reach them when I wanted to chat. I could message them, and they would message me back as and when it suited them. Sometimes, it would be almost a day later. In the end, it got so bad that the only way to have a conversation with them was to wait until they messaged me and catch them mid-type. It was so weird, so as you can imagine, the friendship didn’t last. I never realised how important that was to me before. My long-time friends will always either respond immediately or as soon as they possibly can, so I have never had to think about it. Our relationships are reciprocal. This was such a weird situation that I am still trying to wrap my head around it. The person did have control issues but this was control on another level.
The other special gift you can give me is to be yourself and accept me as I am. I get uncomfortable when someone tries to change me by judging me. There is a difference between trying to change someone into what you want them to be and trying to help someone grow. I am very open to the latter. The former is a no for me.
That’s it from me for today. Let me know what the greatest gift you would like to receive is.
Hello again. I have had the privilege of attending three different tertiary institutions thus far. I say thus far because I have two more qualifications that I will complete in the next decade. Let’s get started.
Natal Technikon (now Durban University of Technology)
I was in my final year of high school, the year Nelson Mandela was released. As a result, I was able to apply to what was traditionally white-only tertiary institutions to study. I had no idea what I wanted to study. I just knew that I wanted to study something that was not offered by the University in my home town and it had to include science. My cousin was a food technologist. It sounded interesting and it met the other criteria i set, so that’s what I decided to apply for.
The campus was in Durban, less than an hour from my hometown, so I didn’t stray too far from home. I had a blast! It was the first time I interacted with different races every day. It was great to get to know them and to dispel the “myths” I had heard about the different races growing up. Everyone was just an average human being like me. They had their issues, and their cultural differences became clear, but that was it really. I think we were all pretty fascinated with each other. It was also clear that there were considerable differences between the educational systems. Each race has its own syllabus for each subject. I was very unprepared for tertiary education, but I was fortunate to partner with a fantastic woman named Jessica on our projects, and thanks to her, I managed to pass.
I eventually walked away with a National Diploma in Food Technology. It took me a lot longer because my priorities were in the wrong place, but I got to graduate. This was one period of my life that I am very grateful for. It’s the only time one gets to be carefree like a child while enjoying the privilege of being considered an adult. It’s this in-between stage of life that feels like a right of passage. I wish it were possible for every person to experience it.
Damelin College
Fast forward a few years. Thanks to my diploma, I eventually ended up working as a factory microbiologist. I wanted to understand production management a little better, so I took a course at night at Damelin. It’s a private college. If I remember correctly, I was the only woman in the class and it was quite fascinating at how all the men bent over backwards to help me understand the concepts. That course took a few months but this time I passed everything with flying colours.
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University of South Africa
It turned out that my diplomas were not sufficient to put me in line for a management position at the company for which I worked. (I still work for the same company today.) I began studying towards a BCompt in order to become a chartered accountant but made a swap for a Bcom majoring in Marketing once it became apparent that accounting was no longer my thing. I excelled at accountancy in high school, but this was accounting on another level. By this time, I was working in R&D and working closely with the marketing team. I also worked closely with the Consumer Insights team, and I knew this was what I wanted to do one day. I thought the marketing degree would cover both, but it didn’t quite do it for me. Despite this, I got the degree anyway and the management position.
I was still fascinated with the psychological principles underlying the test methods we used in market research, so I enrolled for a BA in psychology and anthropology. I loved it, and before my mum passed, I told her that I would become a doctor after all. I told her I would be attaining a PhD in psychology because I enjoy it so much, and I hope to contribute to society’s body of knowledge through the research I hope to conduct in the future. I completed my BA Honours in Psychology – Counselling Psychology in December last year and plan on enrolling for my Masters next year. I am not sure which University I will enrol at, though. Time will tell (and finances). I am really looking forward to graduating this year, though! It’s to step back and just celebrate what I have accomplished thus far.
The University of South Africa is a distance learning institution, so I have completed the last three qualifications by studying at home every night. It has not always been easy as a single mom, but I must admit that because I enjoy learning so much, I have enjoyed the journey. I must say, though, that having some life and business experience under my belt has helped me grasp concepts faster. This is probably also why I have been able to enjoy the journey so much.
Phew…that was a long story, but that is the “condensed” version of my time at college …lol. Thanks for walking down memory lane with me.
Did you also find yourself pivoting and returning to university at some point? What were your highlights if you did attend university? If you didn’t when you completed school, are you keen to go now, or is it just not your thing? Let me know in the comments.
Grounded African 