Tag: #change

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams – Ralph Waldo Emerson

#successmindset #life #positivevibes #inspiration #motivation #quotes

I was sitting and wondering what to do about a particular problem that I have been facing of late.  This problem has been consuming me and I have been raging against it and I just need to stop allowing this.  While I was pondering how to move on from it I came across the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson on IG.  It just resonated with me and knew I had found a solution.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” – Dr Wayne Dyer

I realised that I had been looking at the issue all wrong.  I have been living in fear of the worst coming to pass rather than focusing on what I truly desired, taking the necessary action to get the ball rolling and trusting that it will happen.  Faith after all is said to move mountains.

Don’t be pushed by your problems

There has been so many times in my life where I have acted out of desperation to try and solve the problem at hand.  When I get into this mode I become anxious, I generate a lot of negative energy and I often make decisions that are not aligned to my vision for myself. This of course creates a negative loop and things can quickly spiral out of control.

I see it happening at work as well sometimes where we will start a project with intention A, something in the environment changes, and we get sidetracked and react to the environmental change and lose focus on the original intention. The decisions we make take us on a new path that often leads to failure.  It is so easy to get side tracked and lose sight of the goal.  It wastes time and energy.

I see it happen in my relationships with people.  In my last relationship, we got sidetracked by a particular problem we were facing.  We were so caught up in the problem that we forgot that we had vowed that it would always be us vs the problem rather than me vs him.  The sad part is that we made an excellent team, we just forgot to work as one in this particular instance and it completely tore us apart.

Be led by your dreams

That line says it all…be led by your dreams.  Focus on the positive.  Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. Focus on where you want to be and the decisions you make will take you closer to achieving your dreams.

I have a friend that the rest of my friends in this particular circle always site as a fantastic example of how you will get what you want if you focus on it.  She had made a decision to marry a man that met certain criteria.  Initially she made lifestyle choices that would always bring her into contact with this type of man.  She met many frogs but she never gave up on her dream and never wavered in her criteria.  In the end, he found her.  He was exactly what she said she wanted.  Today they are happily married and have a family.  Whenever I doubt my ability to manifest what I want I think of her story and put new energy into my dreams.

I have been reading a few books to get myself back into a positive space and to focus on the things I want to attract into my life. I highly recommend them if you are looking to get into a more positive space and want to achieve your goals and dreams:

  • Manifest  now by Idil Ahmed
  • The Power of the subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy

Both books help you change your mindset and share great affirmations that you can use to create confidence in yourself, create a positive mindset and even to change your relationship with money if you constantly have money issues.

I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from The Alchemist:

I’m letting go of control …eek!

As I write this, my heart is beating a little faster and my chest is feeling just a little tighter.  A sense of panic is setting in.   I am a control freak and the idea of letting go of control scares me to death (or so it feels).  The truth is that I actually have very little control of what happens in my life, I do however have control over how I choose to respond to it.  And that, it turns out, makes all the difference.

As a kid, I often felt “caged in” by my circumstances.   Of course in hindsight, I see how blessed I was.  Nevertheless, as a result of this, I have spent my adult life trying to control every aspect of my life.  I felt like a complete and utter failure when things have not worked out as planned or when friends have left me out of something.  I have striven to have the “perfect life” and have been severely disappointed when I have felt that I have not succeeded.  “Perfect” for me equated to “independent”.  Independence meant that I never had to ask for permission and I never had to rely on anyone for anything.  Asking for help was a mortifying experience. The only way to achieve independence in my mind was through control of every aspect of my life.  Control of my money, my feelings, and even the people in my life.  I did accept that there were certain things that I had limited or no control over after a while and that it was ok but even that was a struggle at first and still is at times.  Turns out independence is overrated (mostly)

There was a day in my early 20’s somewhere when my mom and I had a huge fight.  I have no idea what the fight was about, but I remember phoning my dad after and ranting about how unfair my mother was and how I wanted nothing more to do with her.  The only thing I remember him saying to me during that conversation is “no man is an island”.   At the time, I remember thinking: “yah yah whatever. I can survive on my own”.  Turns out he was right.  I cannot do it all by myself.  I need help from time to time.  Every time I push someone away, I hear my dad’s voice saying “no man is an island” then I take a step back and question why I acted this way in the first place.  Is this someone that I will regret letting go of when I am 100 and on my death bed one day and why?  If the answer is yes, then I eat humble pie and try to make amends.  Sometimes they come back and sometimes they don’t.  If they don’t, well then, I guess they have served their purpose in my life and I in theirs and it is time for us both to move on.  Yes, I know, I probably should ask that question BEFORE I push them away but to be honest sometimes I just need the space to get clarity first.

In order to be in control and be independent, I need to be sure of everything and I need to be right about everything.  To be sure that I am right, I must choose an option and remain steadfastly glued to it.  I must find the evidence to support what I believe is right and ignore everything that points to me being wrong.  The problem with this approach of course is that I am not right because, well, who ever really is? The other problem is that I close myself off to other opportunities that I might actually enjoy more.

Soooo…my goal is to give up control (breathe Michelle, you will be OK…) and be more open to all the options and experiences available to me. To be more spontaneous.  To be less judgmental.  To be more wrong.   I don’t have a choice but to be independent right now but nowhere is it cast in stone that I have to be a control freak in order to be independent.  Besides, as a mother, my ability to let go of control of my son is tested every day.  Every day I have to leave him in someone else’s care.  Every day I have to stop myself from telling him what to wear and not impose my ideas on him.  I have to let him be him and not who I want him to be.  As a partner in a relationship, I had to constantly make compromises that I didn’t know I was capable of until the moment arrived. I gave up so much control and even a bit of independence that I would sometimes look in the mirror and wonder who the woman was that was looking back at me…lol.  I have no regrets though.  The person and experience were ultimately worth it.

Forward we move. I’m looking forward to getting my feet wet in life’s little puddles.  I am putting desires out there and letting them go for the universe to take of.

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Until next time…Keep smiling.

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Creating Time…3 changes I have made to create time and get closer to achieving my goals

Sjoe, how time is flying! I don’t know about you, but I find that I am so busy at work these days that I have almost no energy to do things I want to do when I get home. Work is not going to ease up anytime soon so I have been reading up on ways to work around it and make the time to do the things I want to do. Everyone wants a “work-life balance” but what does it really mean to you and how do you work it so that you not only find the balance but you enjoy your time in both worlds? I haven’t found the answer to this yet,  but I think I am heading in the right direction for me.  These are just a few tips that I started implementing that may help you too if you have a similar dilemma.

Wake up earlier

Anyone who knows me knows that waking up early is definitely not my thing. Here’s the thing though, when I wake up earlier and write, I find my thoughts are crisper and clearer. I can actually get a whole blog post done. The house is silent,  so there arebno distractions. The sounds of Mother Nature doing her thing outside are soothing to my soul. I still don’t like waking up early in the morning, but (I never thought i would ever say this) it has its advantages.  It’s an important part of my “me time” (more about that later)  and it’s where I get some of my “work” thinking done.

#quotescreator #benjaminfranklinquotes #groundedafrican #african #timemanagement #productivity

Restrict Social media use

I am guilty of having my phone in my hand most of the time that I am awake. If I think about it, my phone habit has replaced my smoking habit. (Aaaah the joys of an addictive personality😜.) I have had to train myself to turn this habit into a positive one. My phone has become an educational and productivity tool rather than just a time thief. How you ask? I spend more time reading books via my kindle app and google books, writing blogs and learning from reading other’s blogs on WordPress and Medium, than I do on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I am also able to check and answer emails and messages, do research on the net and source inspirational and motivational material to keep me going.

Of course, social media always beckons if you let it so I switch off my notifications. This just takes away the reason to open the apps regularly. When I find that this is not working for me then I delete them for a few months. Out of sight = out of mind. Another reason that I don’t visit social media often anymore is that I find it draining, especially Facebook. Far too many people bring their personal baggage to the app. Scrolling through all the sadness and the complaining steals my joy and my energy. Of course, who and what you follow on social media also determines your experience of it so I guess I need to relook at who I follow on Facebook especially. IG is a much happier environment for me probably because I follow a lot more inspirational and motivational sites and fewer people as such. Twitter gives me a snapshot of world events at a moment in time,  which can get depressing if you let it.

Switch off to the world and on to the relationships that matter
I only get to see my son for approximately 5 hours every day. An hour or so in the morning before school and about 4 hours at the end of the day before bedtime. During those times, I try and keep my phone out of my hands and focus as much on him as possible. We go over homework, catch up on his day. Watch a little tv together and, of course, have our bedtime reading session. It’s scary to think that I blink and he is another day older.

Now my boyfriend, on the other hand, is a screen addict. If he is not on his phone, then he is glued to the TV or his computer. It’s not only for entertainment though, sometimes it’s work-related. If I didn’t know better, I would think that I bored the crap out of him. Fortunately, he does have other things away from “the screen” that he is interested in and that we have in common. We use that to form our own little bubble and enjoy each other’s company as often as we can. Being able to connect with my son and boyfriend fulfils and sustains me.

Me time
This is where I find my peace. Since I started waking up earlier, I find that this is about the best time for me to spend time reflecting, praying and just connecting with God and myself. That stillness in the morning naturally lends itself to this practice. I write in my journal. I set goals. I pray. I still haven’t gotten into the habit of meditating as such yet, but I will get there.

I still need to find the time in my day for exercise as I really need to get into that habit.  It would definitely help me create more energy for the things I want to do. Making time to reach out to friends is also a priority for me, however I haven’t worked it in it.   Lastly, creating a study schedule that I will stick to is also a challenge.  I will figure something out though.

Do you have any tips and tricks to create time in your day that you could share?  Please do add them in the comments section.  I would love to hear from you.

Ultimately, I have had to look ahead and decide what I would like to accomplish 1, 5 and 10 years from now and prioritise my life so that it is possible to achieve those goals. There are things that I still need to let go of because that sap my energy and are holding me back.  It’s going to take courage though and, to be honest, I am still a little paralysed by fear. I will get there though.

Here’s a link to a great talk on how to gain control of your time  by Laura Vandakram which I found after writing this blog and has given me additional food for thought.  There might be something you find useful too.

 

After all…

#quotescreator #haveitall #oprahwinfreyquote #groundedafrican #african #creatingtime #productivity