This is a lesson I have to learn time and time again…be grateful for closed doors. There is a reason that door wasn’t for you.
This year, I had a few doors closed in my face. Some just didn’t even open. My standard reaction was anger initially. Then, thanks to my anger, I got in my own way. Eventually I made the decision to just keep putting my best foot forward in what hopefully is the right direction and let go of the outcome. Time will tell what the right outcome for me is.
I don’t think I fully understood what it looks like to stand in my own way until I witnessed a colleague doing it to themselves. They were so caught up in getting what they wanted and telling themselves that it was what they needed that they just couldn’t see past it. From the outside, it looked like this person had walled themselves into a windowless room. My heart ached for them when I viewed their situation in this light. I can only pray they will find the door to the room they have built for themselves and find joy.
That line is Day 12’s centring thought in Deepak Chopra’s “Manifesting Grace through Gratitude” meditation programme. The programme is free and has been running throughout December. Each time I repeat that line, it brings me such peace.
I have been contemplating it, and it has made me think of how revitalising closed doors can be. I didn’t expect it to lead me to revisit closed doors, but it did. Perhaps it’s because I read about forgiveness in Marianne Williamson’s “A Return to Love” this morning. In it, she says that the Course says: To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past and those that were given to you. All the rest must be forgotten.” It makes sense if you remember that forgiveness is a quest to return to a state of inner peace. This passage has been rolling around in my subconscious the whole day, and then this evening, I came across Deepak’s line.
According to the Christian religion, Grace is the unmerited favour of God. God would not give us Grace if He hadn’t already seen past all our perceived wrongs. He only shows love and understanding. So, to know that I live surrounded by God’s love every second of every day, no matter what I do and how many mistakes I make in life, makes me feel whole and complete. What more can I possibly ask for. And if I have such complete love, then so does everyone else, so who I am, to hold grudges against people and cause myself unnecessary stress, anger and drama. Peace only comes through seeing past people’s mistakes.
OK, Michelle, what does this have to do with closed doors? Well, while contemplating the thought, I realised that I would be in the space that I am today, mentally and spiritually, if some doors had not been closed to me. When some doors closed, I initially focused on the closed door. It hurt. As time went on, I focused on my spiritual growth. I realised that God was giving me space to learn to love myself, to see myself as the whole and fantastic human being that I am, and to find peace and thrive. Now that I understand who I am, it is much easier to let go of the anger and disappointment I might feel towards someone who caused a door to close on me, closed the door themselves, or I had to close it too, and thank them instead. This goes for me as well. If God can love me as I am, with all my faults, who am I to judge myself. Besides, how would I have learned anything if I hadn’t made any mistakes?
So here I am…filled with and surrounded by love and Grace, which gives me a sense of peace. What has your experience of grace and forgiveness being?
Hope that made sense to you. Thanks for popping by. Be blessed.
In this post I reflect on the importance of accepting change and its consequences. Every situation presents important life lessons. Accepting these lessons inspires growth and reveals new opportunities.
This morning I woke up to a new reality. I had a door close gently in my face yesterday. I had instigated the change though in my own way so it wasn’t a complete surprise. It was a reminder that if there is one thing that is constant in life, it’s change. We always have 2 choices: resist or accept the change. As always, each choice has consequences.
Accept the Consequences
In Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes writes: “Difficult conversations are something of a gamble and you have to be willing to be okay with the outcome. And you have to know, going in, where you draw the line. You have to know when in the conversation you are going to say no. You have to know when you are going to say, “That doesn’t work for me.” You have to know when to say, “I’m done.” You have to know when to say, “This isn’t worth it.” “You aren’t worth it.”.
Five years ago I lashed out at someone out of sheer frustration. It was a knee jerk reaction more than a difficult conversation as such and I wasn’t prepared for the consequences so I resisted the change. I was broken and spent many months trying to undo what I perceived as “the damage” at the time. I felt terribly guilty until I read “Year of Yes” and realised that all that happened was that I wasn’t prepared for the consequences in that moment. I had made the decision internally but I wasn’t ready to act on it yet. Do you know what I mean?
Yesterday I lashed out, out of frustration again and once again it caused a door to close. This time I was ready. This time I can walk away in peace. While I probably could have handled the situation better, I was prepared mentally for the possible fallout making it easier to accept. Once you accept anything you tend to have peace and new paths become visible. It’s easier to move on. It is also easier to deal with any pain or disappoint that might form part of the consequence.
Image: Canva
Experiences Always Come with Lessons
So, today I am grateful for closed doors and the opportunities and possibilities that they represent. Every situation and relationship also presents lessons. One of the lessons that was reinforced for me was that people will always let you know what they are available for upfront. Sometimes they can be a vague but ignore it at your own peril. In this case, I wasn’t surprised by the way the person showed up eventually, I was more frustrated with myself because I saw the red flag when they raised it but, being the psychology student that I am, I was curious so I continued down the garden path and ended up at the dead-end that I knew was coming.
“Hope is the thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it and to work for it and to fight for it.”
Barack Obama
So despite all the red flags, all that evidence to the contrary, I lived in hope but alas, it was not to be. It was a beautiful garden path though and I am grateful I got to see the sights and have the experience.
It’s Called a Blindspot for a Reason
Another lesson I learned is that blindspots are called that for a reason. Sometimes people just can’t see how they get in their own way. I have of course done this for 99% of my life and probably still do far too often. Sometimes people are just nestled so deeply in their comfort zones that they are not prepared to make themselves uncomfortable again in order to achieve a higher goal. They see it, they want it but not just bad enough to do what it takes to get it. They have loads of excuses and keep pushing the goal out to a date in the future. This was the first time I consciously watched this play out. It was fascinating.
What I also learned was that it is far easier to accept that they will not achieve their goal if you remain an observer and don’t get involved. You can plant seeds but you have to accept that most will fall on rocky ground. Advice is free and it does come from the advisor’s point of view so it’s not really surprising that most people tend to ignore someone else’s advice or insight. Speaking for myself, I do find though that there is always at least something to contemplate when someone shares their thoughts with me. I believe that God is always guiding and directing us through others so I always try to pay attention to the guidance I receive. Sadly, I will never get to find out if any of the seeds I planted landed on fertile soil as this person is in a completely different social circle. I have faith that they will figure things out when they are ready to though.
Well that’s it from me today. How often do you look for the lessons when something comes to an end? Does it change how you show up in anyway? I invite you to let me know in the comments
Grounded African 