Tag: family

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

christmas tree with baubles
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

 

14 days and counting! I am so excited! My tree is up and my son and I have decorated the house a bit. This is the first time ever that we have our tree up so early and that we have decorated the house. The Christmas spirit is alive and well in my home this year!

This is the first year that my son and I will wake up in our home on Christmas morning. We would normally sleep over at my mother’s on Christmas Eve. This of course meant spending the afternoon locked in my room at my mom’s, wrapping gifts. Ideally little should have been napping at this point so that he could make it through midnight mass, but FOMO is his second name so my dad would distract him instead.  He would rather dose off during the mass so that he was fresh as soon as the mass was done 😂. Before church he would put out the biscuits and milk for Santa and then into the car.  I would drink half the glass and through half the biscuits in my bag and put the gifts under tree before joining everyone in the car.  Coming home to discover what Santa had left under the Christmas tree while we were away has always been my son’s favourite moment at Christmas.

He would always check the milk and biscuits first as soon as he got in the house. The absolute excitement on his face when he sees that the milk and biscuits are finished was priceless. Proof that Santa was definitely there! Yay! Next he would check under the tree and lo and behold…Santa has not disappointed him! There lay all the gifts! In those few moments, his belief in the magic of Christmas is sealed and there is nothing anyone can say or do to shake it. Seeing the wonder and joy in his eyes is gift enough for me.

The past 2 Christmas’s have been very different. The first one, my mom was sick so he didn’t sleep at her house on Christmas Eve and the second, he spent with his father’s family. It was our first Christmas without my mum and I thought it would be better for him to spend it elsewhere to distract him. Luckily, despite these disruptions in our Christmas routine, he still believes in Santa and is looking forward to our first Christmas at home. I am thrilled because that belief in Santa is what makes Christmas magical and neither of us are ready to stop believing in that magic just yet.

I have to admit, it has taken a lot of reinventions of the truth as he has gotten older to keep him believing in Santa. He still believes that I have Santa, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy’s numbers. The story has now evolved to the fact that there are so many more kids in the world today that these 3 characters need help. They now rely heavily on parents to be their helpers so that little people are not disappointed😜. He also knows that he has to “believe to receive” (one of our directors at work taught me that trick). He is no idiot so sometimes a few doubts creep in but the need to believe is stronger and overrides his doubts every time.

He has received his gift early so he is not expecting anything under the tree but of course, Santa will surprise him. I can’t wait to see the look on his face on Christmas morning!!! Today he was trying to suss out how I would go about buying him a gift without him knowing since I am at work all day and he is with me when I am not working.  That brain of his is always busy trying to figure this out.  He also clearly refuses to accept that Santa won’t leave anything for him under the tree.  He is holding on to his hope.  Well…since he believes, he will have to receive.    

This year we will start creating a new Christmas routine. We have already started by putting up the tree and decorations early and I am so excited about that. I must admit that I have no idea what that routine will be so we will just do what feels right in the moment this year and build from there every year. All I know is that I can’t wait for Christmas!!!

Christmas wreath on door
Our first Christmas Wreath

What are your Christmas traditions?  Do you spend it with family or do you prefer to be with friends? How do you keep your kids believing in the magic of Christmas?  Do you believe in it?  

Looking forward to hearing from you!  All the best with your Christmas preparations!

 

 

 

365 days of our new reality…

It’s been 365 days of our new reality without my mother. Never having lost anyone this close to us before, Alex and I had no idea what to expect or how we would feel. I learnt a few things during this time though and made a few changes.

It takes a village…

I have been fortunate in that I have been able to turn to my aunts and cousins as well as my friends, whenever I needed an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on. I would not have coped without them. Thank you Frankson family and friends. You have been amazing this past year. Alex and I are blessed. Let’s not forget my dad who has been a pillar of strength for us too. Thank you daddy. I have also been able to build a relationship with my baby sister that we never shared before. We have so much in common and I had no idea before now. I have really enjoyed the time we have been spending together. Btw, don’t put us in a shopping mall together…we are dangerous😂

Grief hits you when you least expect it

Everyone warned me about this one. There have been days when I will find myself with a smile on face remembering something about my mum and others when I would find myself in tears when reminded of her. Those who know me know that I generally just put one foot in front of the other everyday and keep on going. I will rant and I will rave if something drives me insane but other than that, you don’t find me in tears very often. Tears are overrated in my world. Well surprise surprise. What do you know. Tears became a regular feature of my world this year. Turns out they aren’t so bad and they are actually pretty helpful. Something else I learnt…my mascara is up to the challenge. 😉😁

That being said, Alex and I have developed our own little monthly ritual which gives us the space and the permission to wallow in our grief for as long as we need to and then we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and carry on with our lives. If we need a moment at any other time, that’s okay too. I think this ritual has really gone a long way in helping us in dealing with this new reality.

Death is not final

For a long time, my mind has battled to wrap itself around that fact that one moment my mother was living and breathing in that hospital bed and then it was only her body. Where did the essence of her go to? There have been occasions though where I have sensed her nearby so I believe that she is still with us. Just in a different form. It is comforting to know that she watches over us and knows when to make her presence felt. Beyond that, she will live on in our memories, through our actions whenever we implement something she taught us and through those whose lives she has touched in someway or another.

Clutter can kill and cause stagnation

My mum was a hoarder and this probably had a role to play in the issues she had with her lungs. As a result, I have become very conscious of how much unnecessary stuff I have in my home. All the stuff that I keep because it has sentimental value or “just in case I may need it one day”, has been thrown away, given away or sold. I have to say that I actually feel lighter. The atmosphere in my home feels lighter too. I feel like I am not only decluttering but also letting go of the past and pieces of me that I no longer need. I am making space for new things, new people and new experiences to come into my life and let me tell you, it’s pretty exciting.

Life goes on

In the first few months I often caught myself wanting to WhatsApp or call my mum about something I knew would interest her. Initially I would just feel down when I realised that I couldn’t but then I started to question some of those things that seemed important to me because they were important to her. It made me question were I place my focus and if it was really benefiting Alex or I. Suddenly the relevance and importance of certain things changed and I have been more deliberate about what I do and why. Life is short after all and there is so much I want to achieve for myself and for Alex in particular.

So yes, it’s being 365 days of this new reality and of grief but it has also been a period of reflection and of change. My mum’s book is complete. Mine and Alex’s is not. We still have many chapters to write together and on our own. I look forward to what the future holds for each of us. I have a feeling it will be greater than we could ever imagine. 😉

I wish you peace wherever you are Mummy. I hope we make you proud every day.