Tag: life lessons

Goodbye 52! A Game-Changer of a Year That Almost Broke Me

It’s the start of my personal new year tomorrow.  I turn 53 on the 7th.   Yip, that is quite a daunting number, but I still maintain that my 50s will be my best decade yet! The “yet” part is very important in that sentence.  I believe that each decade thereafter will be even better than my 50s.  This really helps me look past the number and just be grateful and proud that I have reached it. 🙂  

52 has been the year that nearly broke me, but by God’s Grace, I am still standing and excited about 53.  That’s because it wasn’t all bad. 

Here are my top 5 highlights of 52:

  1. My son was made a school prefect.  It was a great example of how he set himself a goal and did what he needed to do to achieve it.
  2. My son received a subject award for his favourite subject for the second year in a row.
  3. I pushed through my fear and appeared on morning TV twice to do a product promotion.
  4. I learned to ask God different questions to understand what I needed to change to stop certain things from happening in my life, and I did get some answers.  They were definitely not revealed in the way I anticipated.  In all honesty, I also didn’t know how He would answer, but the way He did just wasn’t what I was expecting. 😅
  5. My team at work did me proud with the way they showed up this year.  We had a tough year, but they brought their A-game every day!  I am so proud of them. 

Oh, and a bonus one- I found a new mystery and suspense thriller author.  Her name is Stacy Green, and I am currently reading her Nikki Hunt series. You know you are enjoying a book when you are late to work because you lost track of time while reading. 😂

The lower lights…sigh. 

While I will only mention two, the reality is that these experiences ran back-to-back and spanned over a six month period. 

  1. Going through the process of reapplying for your job.  The stress was worse than I imagined.  I thought I would be ok but nothing quite prepares you for it.
  2. Getting in my own way time and time again. Then God showed me that this is what I had to stop doing.  Sadly, I had to witness someone else doing it to understand my own actions.  It was painful to watch, but now I am aware of how I create my own pain.
  3. There was a third experience. I won’t talk about it except to say that it reinforced my belief… No weapon formed against me shall prosper. God has got my back all the time. 

At the end of it, I am so grateful to have made it thus far.  I am thankful that my son and I had a roof over our heads, food on our table, clothes on our backs, a reliable car to get us from A to B and love in our home.  I had friends, family, and colleagues to support me through it all. Most importantly, I had God going before me every day. 

Photo by Anna Bratiychuk on Unsplash

So cheers to 52. 🥂 Thank you for the lessons and love.  Welcome 53!  Show me what you got! 💃🏽

A month of gratitude 2023 – Day 9 – Closed doors

In this post I reflect on the importance of accepting change and its consequences. Every situation presents important life lessons. Accepting these lessons inspires growth and reveals new opportunities.

This morning I woke up to a new reality. I had a door close gently in my face yesterday. I had instigated the change though in my own way so it wasn’t a complete surprise. It was a reminder that if there is one thing that is constant in life, it’s change. We always have 2 choices: resist or accept the change. As always, each choice has consequences.

Accept the Consequences

In Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes writes: “Difficult conversations are something of a gamble and you have to be willing to be okay with the outcome. And you have to know, going in, where you draw the line. You have to know when in the conversation you are going to say no. You have to know when you are going to say, “That doesn’t work for me.” You have to know when to say, “I’m done.” You have to know when to say, “This isn’t worth it.” “You aren’t worth it.”.

Five years ago I lashed out at someone out of sheer frustration. It was a knee jerk reaction more than a difficult conversation as such and I wasn’t prepared for the consequences so I resisted the change. I was broken and spent many months trying to undo what I perceived as “the damage” at the time. I felt terribly guilty until I read “Year of Yes” and realised that all that happened was that I wasn’t prepared for the consequences in that moment. I had made the decision internally but I wasn’t ready to act on it yet. Do you know what I mean?

Yesterday I lashed out, out of frustration again and once again it caused a door to close. This time I was ready. This time I can walk away in peace. While I probably could have handled the situation better, I was prepared mentally for the possible fallout making it easier to accept. Once you accept anything you tend to have peace and new paths become visible. It’s easier to move on. It is also easier to deal with any pain or disappoint that might form part of the consequence.

Image: Canva

Experiences Always Come with Lessons

So, today I am grateful for closed doors and the opportunities and possibilities that they represent. Every situation and relationship also presents lessons. One of the lessons that was reinforced for me was that people will always let you know what they are available for upfront. Sometimes they can be a vague but ignore it at your own peril. In this case, I wasn’t surprised by the way the person showed up eventually, I was more frustrated with myself because I saw the red flag when they raised it but, being the psychology student that I am, I was curious so I continued down the garden path and ended up at the dead-end that I knew was coming.

“Hope is the thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it and to work for it and to fight for it.”

Barack Obama

So despite all the red flags, all that evidence to the contrary, I lived in hope but alas, it was not to be. It was a beautiful garden path though and I am grateful I got to see the sights and have the experience.

It’s Called a Blindspot for a Reason

Another lesson I learned is that blindspots are called that for a reason. Sometimes people just can’t see how they get in their own way. I have of course done this for 99% of my life and probably still do far too often. Sometimes people are just nestled so deeply in their comfort zones that they are not prepared to make themselves uncomfortable again in order to achieve a higher goal. They see it, they want it but not just bad enough to do what it takes to get it. They have loads of excuses and keep pushing the goal out to a date in the future. This was the first time I consciously watched this play out. It was fascinating.

What I also learned was that it is far easier to accept that they will not achieve their goal if you remain an observer and don’t get involved. You can plant seeds but you have to accept that most will fall on rocky ground. Advice is free and it does come from the advisor’s point of view so it’s not really surprising that most people tend to ignore someone else’s advice or insight. Speaking for myself, I do find though that there is always at least something to contemplate when someone shares their thoughts with me. I believe that God is always guiding and directing us through others so I always try to pay attention to the guidance I receive. Sadly, I will never get to find out if any of the seeds I planted landed on fertile soil as this person is in a completely different social circle. I have faith that they will figure things out when they are ready to though.

Well that’s it from me today. How often do you look for the lessons when something comes to an end? Does it change how you show up in anyway? I invite you to let me know in the comments

Your job is you. My job is me.

The most valuable life lesson that I learned over the past 3 years, is that my job is me and your job is you. It’s a hard lesson to learn as someone who is always trying to ‘rescue’ people.

Photo by JESHOOTS.com on Pexels.com

It goes hand in hand with lesson that people will only change when they are ready to. And some are never ready to and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Just over 3 years ago I found myself in a situation when a person that I loved dearly just cut me off without any explanation. I could not wrap my head around it and everyone put pressure on me to mend the relationship but they had made it clear that they did not want to communicate with me. I was eventually advised to let it go as this person’s soul has chosen to walk a certain path. There was a lesson that they needed to learn which required them to walk a different path on this leg of their journey. This actually gave me a bit of peace and helped re-inforce the lesson I had already learnt which was that my job was me. I have no control over the decisions that others made for themselves but I do have control over the decisions that I make for my son and myself. I do not have control over the lens through which people chose to view me or my actions. All I can do is put my best foot forward every day and trust that I will have a postive impact on the right people at the right time. I don’t have control over the outcome, as that is in God’s hands but I do get to choose the direction I would like to take in life and the same applies to you.

I will keep it short and sweet today for a change. What’s the most valuable life lesson you have learnt is. Let me know in the comments.