Tag: #lifeskills

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams – Ralph Waldo Emerson

#successmindset #life #positivevibes #inspiration #motivation #quotes

I was sitting and wondering what to do about a particular problem that I have been facing of late.  This problem has been consuming me and I have been raging against it and I just need to stop allowing this.  While I was pondering how to move on from it I came across the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson on IG.  It just resonated with me and knew I had found a solution.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” – Dr Wayne Dyer

I realised that I had been looking at the issue all wrong.  I have been living in fear of the worst coming to pass rather than focusing on what I truly desired, taking the necessary action to get the ball rolling and trusting that it will happen.  Faith after all is said to move mountains.

Don’t be pushed by your problems

There has been so many times in my life where I have acted out of desperation to try and solve the problem at hand.  When I get into this mode I become anxious, I generate a lot of negative energy and I often make decisions that are not aligned to my vision for myself. This of course creates a negative loop and things can quickly spiral out of control.

I see it happening at work as well sometimes where we will start a project with intention A, something in the environment changes, and we get sidetracked and react to the environmental change and lose focus on the original intention. The decisions we make take us on a new path that often leads to failure.  It is so easy to get side tracked and lose sight of the goal.  It wastes time and energy.

I see it happen in my relationships with people.  In my last relationship, we got sidetracked by a particular problem we were facing.  We were so caught up in the problem that we forgot that we had vowed that it would always be us vs the problem rather than me vs him.  The sad part is that we made an excellent team, we just forgot to work as one in this particular instance and it completely tore us apart.

Be led by your dreams

That line says it all…be led by your dreams.  Focus on the positive.  Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. Focus on where you want to be and the decisions you make will take you closer to achieving your dreams.

I have a friend that the rest of my friends in this particular circle always site as a fantastic example of how you will get what you want if you focus on it.  She had made a decision to marry a man that met certain criteria.  Initially she made lifestyle choices that would always bring her into contact with this type of man.  She met many frogs but she never gave up on her dream and never wavered in her criteria.  In the end, he found her.  He was exactly what she said she wanted.  Today they are happily married and have a family.  Whenever I doubt my ability to manifest what I want I think of her story and put new energy into my dreams.

I have been reading a few books to get myself back into a positive space and to focus on the things I want to attract into my life. I highly recommend them if you are looking to get into a more positive space and want to achieve your goals and dreams:

  • Manifest  now by Idil Ahmed
  • The Power of the subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy

Both books help you change your mindset and share great affirmations that you can use to create confidence in yourself, create a positive mindset and even to change your relationship with money if you constantly have money issues.

I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from The Alchemist:

Be careful who you push away…some of us don’t come back…(maybe some of us are not meant to anyway?)

I was scrolling through Instagram at some ungodly hour this morning (thanks storm for waking me up!) when I saw this quote. My initial reaction was “sadly true” but then I was like “wait a minute…is it really?”. I felt a sense of apprehension when I first read it. That couldn’t be good. I decided that if I really believed that, I would be living a life of fear and not of faith. I pondered on it a little further and realised that the people who were meant to be in your life will always come back. Let me share a few stories of why I believe this to be true.

#lettinggo #noregrets #refocus #recreate #groundedafrican #wordpress

About 10 years ago, a very good friend and I had a falling out. I was so angry with her and I walked away from a treasured friendship. My heart was broken but I believed that I was setting boundaries for myself and I was. For 5 years I did not see or speak to her and, although I missed her terribly, I was ok and so was she. In those 5 years, our lives changed and we evolved as people. One Saturday evening I was waiting for my pizza to be ready when I saw someone that we both knew. At the time, I remember wanting to take a pic of him and share it with her because only she would understand the memories and thoughts flashing through my mind at the time. I missed her more than ever in that moment. Little did I know that the Universe was “softening me up” for her return into my life. The following Monday, I received this heartfelt apology from her in my inbox with no expectations from me except to read it. I cried so much and immediately responded to say all is forgiven. We have been best friends again ever since. Our friendship is the same and yet different but it is more rewarding because we had grown as people while we were apart. I believe it all happened for a reason and, in hindsight, the time apart was preparing us to be the people we needed to be support each other in the future. #noregrets

Another example from about 5 years ago which I have written about previously is when a family member and I had a falling out of sorts. I had spent my entire life trying to please this person but nothing I did was ever good enough. One day, they said something that just took it too far and I snapped. I loved this person dearly but there was only so much I could take. I drew a line in the sand and I walked away. Walking away was a liberating experience for me and, once again, my life changed and I evolved as a person. A few months later, this person called offering to help me in a way that they never had before. There was no formal apology but I knew that the offer in itself was one so I took them up on the offer to let them know that it was ok and that all was forgiven. As with the 1st example, our relationship was different but more rewarding thereafter.

I, of course, have lots of examples where people never did come back and guess what…my life has gone on anyway. I am ok and probably better off because of the experiences and lessons they taught me and because they were once apart of my life. I thank them for this wherever they are.

The point is that, in my experience, we push people away for a reason. Usually it is because they have disrespected the boundaries we have set for ourselves. The reality is that if we don’t honour those boundaries for ourselves then we set the example for the people in our lives and cause ourselves unnecessary misery. They will just trample all over them.

#boundaries #noregrets #life #lifelessons #groundedafrican #wordpress

Honouring my boundaries has been liberating and led to my growth as a person. My life experiences have become richer because of this growth. I have become more confident in myself and see the world in a different light.

So to get back to the original quote that got me thinking in the first place (at this ungodly hour of the morning😜)… “be careful who you push away…sometimes they don’t come back”… I say “Goodbye to those who don’t come back and thank you for the lessons. Your time in my life is valued. All the best on the rest of your journey”. To those who do come back…”I welcome you with open arms. Thank you for giving me the space to grow and evolve. I look forward to sharing this new leg of our journey together with you.”

Have you also found in that in hindsight some people just were just meant to be and that actually you have no regrets about letting them go at some point? I would love to hear about your experiences.

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I’m letting go of control …eek!

As I write this, my heart is beating a little faster and my chest is feeling just a little tighter.  A sense of panic is setting in.   I am a control freak and the idea of letting go of control scares me to death (or so it feels).  The truth is that I actually have very little control of what happens in my life, I do however have control over how I choose to respond to it.  And that, it turns out, makes all the difference.

As a kid, I often felt “caged in” by my circumstances.   Of course in hindsight, I see how blessed I was.  Nevertheless, as a result of this, I have spent my adult life trying to control every aspect of my life.  I felt like a complete and utter failure when things have not worked out as planned or when friends have left me out of something.  I have striven to have the “perfect life” and have been severely disappointed when I have felt that I have not succeeded.  “Perfect” for me equated to “independent”.  Independence meant that I never had to ask for permission and I never had to rely on anyone for anything.  Asking for help was a mortifying experience. The only way to achieve independence in my mind was through control of every aspect of my life.  Control of my money, my feelings, and even the people in my life.  I did accept that there were certain things that I had limited or no control over after a while and that it was ok but even that was a struggle at first and still is at times.  Turns out independence is overrated (mostly)

There was a day in my early 20’s somewhere when my mom and I had a huge fight.  I have no idea what the fight was about, but I remember phoning my dad after and ranting about how unfair my mother was and how I wanted nothing more to do with her.  The only thing I remember him saying to me during that conversation is “no man is an island”.   At the time, I remember thinking: “yah yah whatever. I can survive on my own”.  Turns out he was right.  I cannot do it all by myself.  I need help from time to time.  Every time I push someone away, I hear my dad’s voice saying “no man is an island” then I take a step back and question why I acted this way in the first place.  Is this someone that I will regret letting go of when I am 100 and on my death bed one day and why?  If the answer is yes, then I eat humble pie and try to make amends.  Sometimes they come back and sometimes they don’t.  If they don’t, well then, I guess they have served their purpose in my life and I in theirs and it is time for us both to move on.  Yes, I know, I probably should ask that question BEFORE I push them away but to be honest sometimes I just need the space to get clarity first.

In order to be in control and be independent, I need to be sure of everything and I need to be right about everything.  To be sure that I am right, I must choose an option and remain steadfastly glued to it.  I must find the evidence to support what I believe is right and ignore everything that points to me being wrong.  The problem with this approach of course is that I am not right because, well, who ever really is? The other problem is that I close myself off to other opportunities that I might actually enjoy more.

Soooo…my goal is to give up control (breathe Michelle, you will be OK…) and be more open to all the options and experiences available to me. To be more spontaneous.  To be less judgmental.  To be more wrong.   I don’t have a choice but to be independent right now but nowhere is it cast in stone that I have to be a control freak in order to be independent.  Besides, as a mother, my ability to let go of control of my son is tested every day.  Every day I have to leave him in someone else’s care.  Every day I have to stop myself from telling him what to wear and not impose my ideas on him.  I have to let him be him and not who I want him to be.  As a partner in a relationship, I had to constantly make compromises that I didn’t know I was capable of until the moment arrived. I gave up so much control and even a bit of independence that I would sometimes look in the mirror and wonder who the woman was that was looking back at me…lol.  I have no regrets though.  The person and experience were ultimately worth it.

Forward we move. I’m looking forward to getting my feet wet in life’s little puddles.  I am putting desires out there and letting them go for the universe to take of.

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Until next time…Keep smiling.

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